Lewes 0 East Thurrock United 3, Isthmian League Premier Division, Saturday 25th January 2020
Back when I first decided to start this groundhopping lark roughly 18 months ago, I first needed something that would convince wifey to go along with the idea.
Something that would make her think that me heading out for a few hours every Saturday afternoon would somehow be beneficial to her.
In short, and to quote the greatest of all philosophical deep-thinkers, Baldrick, I needed a cunning plan.
So I came up with one. And, if I may so myself, it was a blooming good one. I told her I'd take our two boys to the games with me. That way, she'd get a totally free afternoon for herself. Time to do whatever she wanted in. She was sold. The first part of my cunning plan had worked.
A few weeks later, I was delighted to discover that part two of ‘operation cunning plan’ had also proved successful.
As anticipated, by late September, with the weather starting to turn colder, their interest started to wane. They'd start to find excuses not to come with me. Quite often, one would accompany me, one would stay home with wifey.
By mid-November, I was travelling to most games alone. More on more, both boys were deciding to stay at home in the warmth. The lure of the X-Box just too strong to resist.
I'm not going to lie - I wasn't bemoaning this turn of events. Not one bit. As every parent knows, while we love our kids dearly, they can be ever so bloody annoying.
There were only so many times I could explain why the grounds we were visiting didn't have scoreboards or tunnels (something the youngest seemed particularly obsessed with) before I started to lose the will to live.
Basically, I really started to enjoy the peace and quiet that Saturday afternoon afforded me.
While they do still attend sporadic matches with me, and I always give them the opportunity to join me on my jaunts, I have to admit to selfishly taking great pleasure when one of them decides to stay at home. And even more if they both do. Not sure wifey feels the same way.
Therefore, when around a month ago a parent from my eldest’s Withdean Youth under 10s team decided to organise a team trip to Lewes (taking advantage of the fabulous kids’ go free initiative), kindly eschewing the need for parental help, the sensible thing to do would have been to thank him for the kind offer, drop my son off, and then head off somewhere else.
Unfortunately, as wifey will readily attest, being sensible isn't one of my more noticeable traits.
Not only did I offer to tag along, but I also decided to bring my hitherto uninvited - and incredibly noisy - youngest along as well.
A cunning plan to rival any of Baldrick’s best efforts.
While I had yet to visit Lewes' wonderful Dripping Pan ground this season, it is a ground that I've visited hundreds of times in the past. Most recently on New Year's Day 2019. You can read about that visit, and a description of the ground here.
Having paid my £12 to get in, myself and my boys waited for the others to arrive (they were coming from Brighton, us from Newhaven, hence arriving separately).
Thankfully, a few other parents had also agreed to act as chaperones for the afternoon, so there was plenty of adult support on hand.
We eventually agreed to stand at the side of the pitch. The boys had originally wanted to stand behind the goal with the Lewes fans, until I pointed out that the Lewes fans would probably stand up the other end if the home side ended up shooting that way. A quirk of non-league life that was met with general bemusement by both the accompanying children and adults.
Within seconds of standing in our mutually agreed upon spot, the boys achieved two things. One was to clear the entire area of other supporters, who quickly decided a quieter afternoon spectating awaited them elsewhere. The other was to befriend Lewes sub Ronnie Conlon, who all the boys seemed to take an instant shine to while he was warming up (to the point that when he eventually came on midway through the second-half, he was treated by our entourage like some kind of long-lost friend.)
This was the third time I'd seen Lewes since starting my groundhopping journey having watched them play away at Horsham earlier this month (coincidentally also on New Years Day).
It's fair to say I'm probably not their lucky charm.
In a fairly dour first-half in which the ball spent more time in the air than on the grass, the hosts always looked second best.
While East Thurrock weren't exactly threatening with regularity, they were without doubt the team that constantly looked most likely to score.
They took the lead on the quarter-of-an-hour mark when the home defence failed to clear a Kai Brown cross, allowing Frankie Merrifield to just about scramble the ball over the line.
Lewes were largely toothless throughout the first-half, often launching aimless long balls forward that failed to bother the East Thurrock backline.
Not that this seemed to deter the Withdean Youth boys, who kept up a vocal presence throughout. They’d even adapted their very own Withdean song for the occasion, regularly chanting ‘their red, their black, their scared of our attack, Lewes, Lewes’ (they normally swop Lewes for Withdean). I can safely say East Thurrock’s defence were highly unlikely to be scared of Lewes’ attack. But never mind. It’s not like football chants have to be accurate, is it? Manchester United fans still regularly sing ‘Glory Glory Man United’ – and there ain’t much glory at Old Trafford these days.
At the start of the second-half, the visitors came out looking to put the game to bed, but were twice denied by fine saves from Lewes goalkeeper Nathan Stroomberg -Clarke.
Lewes were still offering little going forward, although the introduction of Conlon did briefly switch the momentum the hosts’ way. It was a jinking run from the popular (especially among the Withdean boys) Conlon that almost led to Lewes almost snatching what would have been an undeserved equaliser, when the subs’ low cross was turned onto his own bar by a United defender.
A few minutes later a promising burst forward from Billy Medlock was unceremoniously ended by a cynical foul from Ben Harlow. Harlow promptly received a booking, but James Hammond’s ensuing free-kick flew high, wide and not very handsome.
With five minutes remaining, East Thurrock made the game safe, when the home defence completely switched off, giving Mitchell Gilbey the freedom of the Dripping Pan to tap home Matt Price’s cross completely unopposed.
There was still time for a third, as a couple of minutes later visiting sub Danny Harris took full advantage of yet more lax defending to ram home another.
The goal was probably a tad harsh on Lewes, who improved in the second-half, although there could be no doubt that the visitors firmly deserved their win.
So three Lewes games for me in the last 18 months. Three 3-0 defeats. Don’t think the Rooks hierarchy will be offering me a season ticket anytime soon!
The result certainly didn’t seem to dampen the Withdean lads’ enthusiasm too much, though. The second the final whistle sounded they were standing ready by the steps getting ready to high-five players from both teams as they headed off the pitch. Unfortunately, their pleas for boots, shirts and even the East Thurrock manager’s shoes (?!) were unsuccessful.
Joking aside, it was great to see all the boys enjoying the non-league experience. I’m pretty sure they’d be up for another visit, maybe at another ground, in the neat future. We’re open to offers…
Enjoyed this blog post? Then you may be interested in reading my kindle book which recounts my 2018/19 groundhopping journey (take a look, it’s only 99p).
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